Mind of My Own
by reiko.souma
Summary: Wings that develop don't guarantee one the ability to fly, for their weight cannot yet be supported. Forcibly mute by the simultaneous deaths of her parents, the Butterfly is held hostage by the thoughts within her own mind, as if disallowed the right to decide for herself. One-Shot. T for some abuse-related content. No explicit content.


This story is a succeeding one-shot of "Lean On" and takes place four years after it.

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and everything associated with it belongs to Natsuki Takaya. Reiko Souma, her Butterfly spirit and guidelines, and her pediatrician Shourim Manti belong to me.

* * *

Everybody has their own opinions and are entitled to such. It was a sure fact that, as long as the opportunity was there, people would convert the contents of their minds into spoken words and express themselves however they wished to. Even if their freedom was to be legally taken from them, the power of spoken word would still be present. It would simply be stronger. The voices would be raised even louder.

Unless that voice has been taken, that is. That's happened time and time again. People have lost their voice for a variety of reasons, most of the time due to trauma. Whilst it was regained, some have never been fortunate enough to regain their voices. Death had found them first, so those voices remain silent to this day. Those who regained their voices carried deep emotional scars with them for the rest of their lives.

A voice was being held hostage inside of one's own mind. Belonging to an eleven-year old who had been forced to make a quick transition from the United States to Japan just a short handful of years ago, the child found no reason to verbalise any of her thoughts whatsoever. Her voice, she believed, had been taken from her the instant her parents had fallen to the floor in front of her dead. Inside of the one place that she once called home, although it had been more like a live-in combination of prison and a mental asylum, contained the first seven years of her life.

Now Reiko Souma found herself sitting inside of her classroom during lunch break, eating her lunch by herself. Her legal guardian, Kazuma Sohma, had helped her pack a simply lunch of a sandwich with fruits and vegetables on the side. The man himself couldn't cook to save his life, but the child could. She had learnt early on to never trust him in the kitchen unless he was preparing a stove-free meal. Otherwise, he would end up standing at the stove with his nose deep in a book whilst the contents of the pan in front of him burned and eventually caught on fire.

Today, the mute child was feeling rather different. A strange sensation washed over her as she finished her cold cut sandwich and moved onto the fresh grapes that she had picked from the vineyard in their garden. Yes, she took care of that as well since Kazuma didn't quite have a green thumb. This sensation wasn't exactly a good one, seeing as how she was starting to feel lightheaded. Nonetheless, she continued to eat, sipping her orange juice and tuning out everybody around her. All her classmates liked to do was make fun of her pink features and chalk white skin, anyways. There was no benefit to listening to that.

"!" Suddenly, darkness started to invade Reiko's vision. Her eyes widened as she stopped eating and grabbed onto her desk. Something was wrong, very wrong, for her to be experiencing this. _Far away..._ Everything was sounding further and further away until she could no longer hold onto her desk. Darkness overcame her vision as she fell from her seat onto the floor.

—•—•—•—

Pink eyes opened to reveal a very unfamiliar environment before her. This one was surrounded with white everywhere and came with something on her face...wait, what was this? Why was there so much white everywhere? _All of this is too bright!_

A soft hand landed on her arm, drawing Reiko's attention to her right. There was Kazuma, sitting by her side. It was then that she noticed a needle in her arm with tubes sticking out of it and feeding into a bag. What exactly was going on, here? Was she finally dying as well, soon to join her parents in whatever place they rested in? Was this why she was where she was now?

"It's all right, Reiko. You're in a hospital," Kazuma said calmly. His hand didn't move from her arm. "You fainted during lunch at school and came here by ambulance. The hospital called me as soon as they saw your last name. They're very worried about you, and so am I, but I know that everything will be all right." The child rubbed her eyes. She was wary, very wary, and pointed at the wall. "The walls are white in every hospital, I'm afraid. The only thing that can be done is to turn the lights off, but the doctors need to be able to see what they're doing."

 _Just great. I have to block this out until I can leave._ Reiko looked around for her black satchel. Her notepad and pen were inside of it. Ever since Kazuma had bought her a form of written communication, all fifteen notepads had been used up right away. Now the girl had a much bigger notepad to communicate with, one that she was asking for now with her gesturing hands. When both were produced, Reiko wrote quickly. _"Why did I faint?"_

"That's what the doctors are trying to find out right now," was Kazuma's answer to the written question. He saw the pain in the girl's eyes and moved his hand to the top of her head, gently tussling her hair about. "You didn't transform when you fainted, so Sohma-kun won't have to erase anybody's memories. Nor are you going to die and be with your parents. The doctors here are going to make sure of that, just like Manti-san did when he came to your house and looked after you when you were younger."

 _Just like...Manti-kun?_ The girl sighed silently. Laying back on the bed, she shut her eyes and laid still.

"Reiko." But, the girl had fallen asleep. Kazuma sat back and waited for some sort of news.

—•—•—•—

"Anemia. It's severe," came the voice belonging to one of the doctors.

"She can't even stay conscious for very long. If she doesn't get a blood transfusion at once, then she'll die. Her body will shut down," another doctor said.

"Blood type is A-B-positive. That's the rarest of all blood types. We'll have to find somebody with the matching blood type right away."

So began the search for somebody who carried the matching blood type. Starting with the Sohma clan, it took just a matter of hours to find a match. That match happened to be the mother of another Sohma named Shigure, who cooperated without hesitation.

—•—•—•—

"On a count to three, you're going to feel a little poke in your arm. Then you're going to fall asleep for a little while and take a nap whilst we get you healed up. Okay?" Reiko didn't know what the nice female nurse was talking about, but she nodded anyways. Staring up at the ceiling, she heard the slow count. Then she felt the poke and winced, but she didn't make a sound no matter what.

As promised, the pink-haired girl was asleep within seconds. The team of doctors worked quickly, but efficiently, making sure that the procedure was done properly. Time really wasn't on their side at all, thus their need to work quickly.

—•—•—•—

"..."

Reiko's notepad and pen weren't sitting on the table next to her bed when she woke up one morning. Who had taken her materials? She sat up and glanced around. Only two days after the blood transfusion, and she was being robbed in a place that she thought would be trustworthy. What the heck? Who would do such a thing?

"Good morning, Souma-san. How are we feeling?" A nurse came strolling into the room to check on her. Another lady carried in what Reiko guessed was this morning's breakfast. Well, she wasn't going to be answering anytime soon. At least, she wouldn't be able to until she had her notepad and pen back. That was her only means of communication!

"Is everything all right?" the lady with the tray of food asked. She placed the tray down on the table, and both women watched as Reiko shook her head whilst gesturing for her writing materials. Those were her lifeline, her gateway of communication with everybody else.

 _I need my notepad and pen! Do they not understand that I cannot speak like they can?_ Reiko repeated her gesture and waited patiently.

To her shock and disappointment, the nurse shook her head no. "We need you to open your mouth and talk to us, Souma-san. Unless you speak, we have no way of understanding what it is you're trying to say." Reiko gestured once more with a frown. "I'm sorry, but we don't have a notepad and pen for you."

 _Say...what?_ That. Was. It. No, this was not happening to her. Somebody had taken her notepad and pen, and she was being denied the right to communicate in the only way that she could think of! The girl wasn't having this. It was bad enough that she had to deal with being surrounded by overwhelming amounts of this god-awful white on the walls and fixtures. Now she had nothing to speak with!

A single swipe of her right arm sent the tray containing her breakfast flying across the room towards the window. Sitting up, Reiko then picked up the pillows and threw them away from her with what strength she did have. She didn't care what Kazuma or anyone else had to say. She was leaving this awful place of torment, one way or another.

It was as if her right to think freely had been robbed from her. Just how long would this continue? Here she thought that censorship only happened in certain countries...but no. It apparently happened here in Japan as well. Bullies weren't limited to children either. Even adults could be nasty, as Reiko was learning.

Hostile in a hospital? Yes, even in a hospital. The sooner this nightmare ended was the sooner that she could resume going about her own business. First, she absolutely _had_ to get her notepad and pen returned to her. How many times would she have to ask before it finally happened? Apparently not enough. Until then, her ability to think as freely as she wanted to was limited to what she was expected to think.

"Reiko!" Kazuma returned from the cafeteria in time to find the child flipping out. Before the nurse and the dietary assistant could try touching her, her guardian hurriedly retrieved the metal pole from Reiko's hands and put it down on the ground. "Tell me what's happening. Where's your pen and notepad?" The angry Reiko gave a forceful shrug and pointed at the table where it had been sitting at last. Then she used two fingers to simulate the action of walking and pointed at the nurse angrily. "Somebody took them?" She nodded, and he turned to the nurse. "Give them back to her."

"I'm sorry, but we have to transfer her now sir. She became violent with us." How ridiculous! Kazuma knew better than to buy into whatever bull that would come from the woman's mouth. She was quite rude and had provoked Reiko, but he sadly couldn't stop the hospital's administration from making their next move.

Reiko was moved into the pediatric psychiatric unit.

The seven days that she spent in that part of the hospital proved very trying on the girl's nerves. It was difficult to not transform in front of the doctors, especially when she had no notepad and pen to communicate with. How did they expect her to express herself when she really could not and would not speak audibly? That was like telling her to dye her hair back to its natural colour. Both were impossible to do.

"Why won't you speak?" the question was asked of her on her third day. Reiko hadn't moved from her assigned room and simply stared out the window all day. She refused to mingle and interact with other children her age, viewing them all as annoying pests who would only bully her. The counsellor didn't need to know that, though. He didn't need to know anything that was on her mind, only that she needed to have her notepad and pen returned to her now. "Souma-san, can you hear me?"

Reiko turned her head and nodded. Then she turned back to the window and continued to stare outside through it. She refused to cooperate until she had her pen and notepad returned to her. To her, that was the same as being censored. Nobody likes to be censored.

"Will you speak?" came the next question. Reiko shook her head no. "Why not?" She gestured for a pen and paper. "We want to hear your voice." She shrugged instead. This was obviously going nowhere, so the doctor stood and placed a hand on her shoulder. Reiko flinched. Was he going to hit her like her parents had whenever they didn't like something she did? No. He removed his hand, told her, "I'll be back shortly," and left.

Right away did Reiko find the nearest bathroom and lock herself inside of it. She didn't care that she wasn't supposed to lock the door. She just needed to be alone without anybody's constant watchful eyes on her and took this time to release all of the tears that she's been holding back since she first went into the hospital. Silently crying, she thought of the torment that she's been through in her entire life to this very moment. Abuse. Anaemia. Berating. Bullying. She wanted her uncle.

 _POOF!_ Reiko finally transformed into her Butterfly form. That was her main reason for locking the door. She didn't want anybody to see her transform. Kazuma had told her that people outside of the Sohma clan wouldn't understand and try to hurt her if they were to see her transform.

It was at least a relief that she was in this form now. She felt much better and didn't have to worry about having to try speaking, although there was just one small problem. Even though she couldn't speak anyways, Reiko was in her metamorphosis stage. That meant she was a butterfly...stuck in a cocoon...for seven more years. She couldn't even move in this form if she wanted to, so all she could do was wait until she could resume her normal state. One minute...two...time seemed to pass so slowly. Finally, the sound of a soft _poof_ came as the girl resumed her normal form and quickly scrambled to get dressed once more. The last thing she needed was for anybody to find out that she could transform. It would be all over for her!

 _Knock knock knock._ "Souma-san, is everything all right?" That doctor! Reiko hurried to her feet and unlocked the door before opening it. Her face was emotionless once more. "Come along. I'd like to talk to you some more."

 _Just great. A persistent one._ She followed him back to her assigned room, only he shut the door this time. _What exactly is he up to?_

Sitting on the bed once more, the girl went back to staring out the window. "I'd like to show you something." He did? Turning her head, she saw that the doctor had produced his badge. On it was his full name and employment status at the hospital. Taki was a Sohma! Her eyes lit up, knowing that she wouldn't have to worry about transforming were she to bump into him for any reason. "I did a little bit of research on you and found out why you can't speak, and I'd like to apologise for trying to push you. Do you miss them still?"

Reiko nodded. He was referring to her parents, who had started to mean the world to her the instant she realised that they had given her the parting gift of a smile on their faces when they had died. So much of her thoughts had gone into wondering what they would have been like, had they not passed away. Would they have stopped rejecting her and started to do the opposite? What if they treated her as gently as Kazuma has been since he took her in?

"Reiko-san." The girl snapped out of her grief-ridden thoughts. "It's okay to be angry. You've been asking for a means of communicating with us, right?" Reiko nodded eagerly, and Taki reached into one of the pockets on his white coat. When he withdrew his right hand, it held a small notepad and a pencil with an eraser. "Here. It's not your notepad and pen, I know, but it will have to do until I can find and have them given back to you."

Reiko reached out hesitantly. She wondered if this might be a trap, but then she decided, _Screw it. This is the nicest thing that anybody's done for me since I've come here._ Taking both the pencil and the notepad, she opened it up and immediately wrote the words, _"THANK YOU!"_ in large enough letters to cover the page. Then she dropped both next to her on the bed and jumped to her feet before throwing her arms around the doctor, her face lit up in a full smile for the first time since before she went into the hospital. The surprised doctor looked down, seeing that he had just made his patient very happy, and placed his hands on her back lightly.

"You're welcome, Reiko-san," he said quietly before letting his hands drop away from her. Then he waited for her to move away. Now sitting on her bed once more, Reiko started to write away quickly. Taki waited patiently, watching as the girl filled up not one side of the sheet of paper, but three sides, before she finished and showed him what she's been trying to say for days:

 _"The morning nurse who came to me three days ago, I think she's the one who took my notepad and pen before I woke up that morning. They had been sitting on the table next to me, gifts from my guardian because I haven't been able to speak for over four years, but she was very rude and wouldn't give me back my writhing materials. I threw my pillows at the window and shoved my breakfast away from me because it was the only way for me to express myself without screaming or trying to hurt myself. My guardian knows that she's rude and thinks she took them from me out of spite. I believe him. Until you gave me your notepad and pencil, I had no way to show that I do have a mind of my own. I can think for myself. I don't need anybody to try doing the thinking for me! My being half-American and half-Japanese doesn't make me incapable of doing such a thing. I'm doing just fine in my J.S.L. studies. I'm ahead of everybody in the middle school, so I'd appreciate it if everybody stopped trying to make my decisions for me!"_

Whoa. Now that was one powerful message that the doctor had just read. He looked up from the notepad, borrowed Reiko's pencil for a moment, and flipped the page to a clean sheet. Then he wrote down, _"You write with such power. I look forward to hearing you express yourself verbally when you're able to speak again,"_ and handed both back over to the girl. She looked over the message and had tears in her eyes by the time she was finished reading. Because she lacked eyelashes, however, there was nothing to dam her tears. They started to fall freely, rolling from her eyes first. She put down her notepad and pencil to hug herself and buried her head in her knees. How those words meant so much to her! Reiko didn't stop crying until she was fast asleep. Taki laid her down and spread a blanket over her before stepping out to work with his other patients.

—•—•—•—

"Hi there." Back in the general section of the hospital four days later, Reiko was sitting at the window. She watched the butterflies fluttering their wings as they flew from plant to plant. When she raised her finger to get their attention was when a boy greeted her, sitting at the edge of her bed. Reiko turned her head and gestured with her hand for the butterflies to scatter. Then she offered a slow, but polite, wave.

 _"Who are you?"_ the girl wrote down. She showed the boy her notepad.

This was the girl who can't speak, he remembered. A mute. "I'm Shigure Sohma. My mother saved your life by giving you some of her blood-" He stopped abruptly when the girl started to cough. Her eyes had widened at the mention of blood, and so did Shigure's. He rushed over to stand in front of her chair and took hold of her arms. "Are you all right?" he asked. His answer came when she pushed him back and vomited on the floor between them. "Oh no! Doctor!" He pushed the button that signalled for someone to come to the room.

"Can I help you?" a nurse asked. She saw Reiko vomiting and placed a bucket in front of her. "I'll get her doctor. Young man, you'd better step back."

Meanwhile, the boy kneeled on the other side of the bucket. "Was it something I said? Are you afraid of bl-it?" Shigure asked. Reiko nodded, appreciating that he didn't repeat the word. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be so afraid. I just wanted to meet the girl whose life my mother saved is all." He stepped back when Reiko's doctor came in. The doctor was a Sohma as well, the father of one of the members of the Jūnishi who represented the Dragon. "Are you in any pain?" the doctor asked. Reiko pointed to her stomach. "I'll help you. Here." He lifted the girl and gently placed her back on the bed, making sure to lay her on her right side. Then he placed the bucket next to the bed and a bedpan in front of her. "This is in case your stomach hurts really badly again. It looks like you've stopped vomiting for now. There's no blood to worry about."

He stopped again when Reiko threw up into the bedpan. "It's my fault," Shigure spoke up, "I used the word first, and she got sick like she did now. I'm sorry. I didn't know. Please don't send me away?"

"It's all right. You didn't do anything to trigger her Curse at all, so I won't have to reprimand you. Next time, be more careful." Shigure nodded; the doctor checked Reiko's vitals and made a few notes on her chart before putting the pen down. He was about to turn away to leave when he felt a gentle tug on his arm. When he turned back, there was Reiko, holding onto his sleeve. "Yes, what is it?"

Reiko started to write. _"You're a Sohma, and you're a doctor like Doctor Taki-san...which Jūnishi do you represent, Doctor-senpai?"_

The doctor looked over the girl's question. Then he handed the notepad back to her. "I'm the former Dragon. My son, Hatori, represents the Dragon in my place." He borrowed the notepad again, along with her pen. He wrote the Japanese kanji symbol for dragon, along with the English translation, and handed both back to her. He saw the look on her face as she looked it over.

 _Hatori...the Dragon._ Reiko committed this information to memory with a soft smile on her face, recalling the story that Akira had told her about the Dragon. Then she pressed the notepad against her chest and looked up, nodding her thanks. She couldn't wait to meet Hatori.

"Now listen. Whatever story Akira-sama told you about the Dragon, disregard it. There's no place in the Jūnishi for an insect who would rather spend as much time away from God and the others as possible. You'll only hurt yourself more than you are now once his child takes his place as the new Sohma head." But, Reiko shook her head no. Hatori's father was wrong, and both of them knew it. "Use the call signal if you require my assistance again. That is all." As the man walked off, the girl stuck her tongue out. A janitor came in to clean up after Reiko before leaving again, and it was just her and Shigure once more.

The boy scooted closer to the girl just as she returned her tongue to the inside of her mouth. "You're rather cute, you know that?" he asked. Reiko's eyes widened. "Are you all right, though? He was rather harsh." She recovered and nodded. Then she pointed at the boy. "I bet you're wondering if I'm part of the Jūnishi too, right?" Reiko nodded again. "Well, you'd be correct. Like Hatori-kun, who I know you'll meet soon, I just turned fourteen. I represent the Dog, so that makes me the first real member of the Jūnishi that you've met."

Cue the sideways head tilt of confusion from the eleven-year old as she finally brought her notepad away from her chest and opened it up again. Not wanting to lose what Hatori's father had written on the page, Reiko moved to a clean sheet behind it and wrote, _"What do you mean by 'real?'"_

Her question drew a chuckle from Shigure, who the girl was quickly starting to realise was quite a flirt. "You see, the orange-headed boy that Kazuma-kun also adopted is Kyō. He's possessed by the Cat, only we don't consider him part of the Jūnishi any more than you are due to your spirits not being present at the banquet. You're both still part of the Chinese Zodiac...just not part of the Jūnishi. That's why the doctor is trying to discourage you from meeting his son."

 _"I see...but I'm still going to meet him. Fate obviously wants us to meet, and I think that his father knows that we will, or else he wouldn't have written in my notepad."_ Reiko protested on the same sheet. The look on the other's face made her realise that she had him there.

"Well, you sure are determined. I'll give you that...and brave, too." This was acknowledged with a curt nod. Shigure placed his finger beneath Reiko's chin and rested his other hand on the middle of her back. "I wish the Dog could take the Dragon's place as the one you're fated to meet," said the boy just before he lightly pecked a kiss on her cheek and moved away. Then he stood and bowed. "I'll come visit you again tomorrow, okay Reiko-chan?"

 _What in the world just happened?_

True to his word, Shigure came to visit again the next day. He also came to visit Reiko every day and tried on occasion to hear her voice, unsuccessfully so. "That's all right," Shigure told her one day, "I like surprises, and I'm sure your voice will sound absolutely beautiful when you finally find it again."

 _When I finally find it again...my voice. Speaking again._ Reiko's hands landed on the Dog's chest as she looked to him with a gentle smile. Then she removed her hands and laid back on the bed once more. _I will find it again, just as I found the courage to even write out my thoughts after having my notepad stolen from me for a few days. I will be able to speak again one day...because I have a mind of my own that makes it possible for me to do whatever I want._

* * *

I apologise if this seemed to drag on unnecessarily in a couple of places. Just like the one-shot that this succeeds, this one was a bit difficult for me to write and is a reflection of my personal feelings about certain matters. Thank you for taking the time to read it; any reviews this receives will be responded to via message. :)


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